“…I Was on the Brink of Losing It, Thinking to Myself, ’I Can’t Do This Anymore”
Covid-19 Survivors #3
This publication is in conjunction with MMI Covid Taskforce Project. Information regarding the project can be found at @mmi_social on Instagram or HERE on our website.
A sense of relief swamped me as my family stepped out of their bedrooms for the first time in two weeks.
My dad was the first to show symptoms. He had a persistent fever for about three days despite taking the medication prescribed to him by a local clinic. He decided to take a rapid test and urged my mom to do the same. Devastatingly, they both tested positive for COVID-19 and began to quarantine themselves in their bedroom once they got home. The next day, my parents went for the PCR test at Sungai Buloh Hospital and were tagged with a pink wristband. To add salt to the injury, my sister tested positive for COVID-19 a few days after and underwent the 10-days quarantine in her bedroom.
‘Are my parents going to survive?’ was my first thought. They were high-risk patients as my dad has had a mild stroke and my mom was asthmatic. I was plagued with the fear of contracting the disease as I had to assume the responsibility of nursing them back to health. Furthermore, I did not want to spread the disease to anyone in my workplace. My prayers were thankfully answered when my PCR test came back negative.
Given the overwhelming number of patients each day and the dearth of hospital beds, my family, due to not showing severe symptoms, was placed under home quarantine.
My daily routine has changed drastically since then. Gone were the days where I could have a good night’s sleep after a long day of work or the privilege of eating takeout on days that I was too lazy to cook. Overnight, I became a mother of three unexpectedly. Adrenaline surged through me 24/7; I had to be alert in case my family needed me for something or if their conditions worsened. I had to prepare every meal as I wanted them to get sufficient nutrients from fresh fruits and vegetables. Oily and processed takeout was no longer an option.
A mind-numbing routine was established. Cook, leave food outside my parent’s and sister’s rooms, wash-up, work. I wore a mask whenever I delivered food and washed my hands regularly. The constant trepidation of contracting the disease was distressing, and being isolated within my home exacerbated the situation mentally.
I did everything I could to alleviate my family’s symptoms, from supplements and Paracetamol, to pepper soup and honey lemon juice. I delivered a blend of modern and traditional remedies in hopes that something would work. My family diligently practiced breathing exercises and steam inhalation daily, which I believed would improve lung capacity and function. I was desperate to find a solution to an unsolvable question and there was only so much I could do, coming from a non-medical background.
I researched tirelessly for methods online. What I found particularly challenging was the lack of official guidelines and resources for home quarantine care. It frustrated me that amidst the confusion, there were people who were quick to dismiss and invalidate certain traditional methods. Such negativity is unnecessary in these harrowing times as we are all trying our best to help and save our loved ones. Nobody is certain of what works and what does not. Even till now, I am unsure of what helped with my family’s symptoms as I tried so many methods. I was open to trying anything that would help them even by the slightest.
The anxiety and stress, paired with the unremitting need to adhere to precautions to protect my health, was the perfect concoction for a burnout. The unpredictability of the disease kept me on the edge. One moment you think that they’re recovering, and the next you hear coughs echoing down the hallway.
To make the whole recovery process a bit more bearable, I video called my family every day to show them our dog. I cooked dishes that they craved, even though they had since lost their sense of taste and smell. ‘What are you doing?’ my sister would shout from her room. The quarantine period was the hardest for her but I tried to provide her with everything she requested for- even if it meant giving up my Netflix account. I did my best to take care of them. Fortunately, their conditions remained relatively stable and I never had to call an ambulance.
I am immensely grateful to the friends and relatives who checked in on us and brought us groceries. There were times where I was on the brink of losing it, thinking to myself ‘I can’t do this anymore’. It took all my willpower to push me through the two weeks. I did yoga every day and took an hour as ‘time-off’ to recuperate, be it to watch an episode of Friends or simply just to catch my breath and rest. Staying motivated was tough but I had to keep my spirits up for my family.
My family has since recovered from their symptoms, but lingering side effects like fatigue and body aches still persist. Even the most mundane of actions like going up a flight of stairs would render my parents breathless.
In the past, I had severely underestimated the importance of staying calm in unforeseeable circumstances and the anxiety nearly got to me. For people who are going through the same situation as I did, stay calm and have faith in yourselves. Focus on boosting the immune system and research on methods and quarantine care packages that could help. Life is brutally short and filled with uncertainties. No one can predict what will happen. Yet, no matter how hard life gets, we surprise ourselves with our tenacity as we continue to pull through.
About the author
Interviewed and written by Goh Sue Yee. Sue Yee is a first-year medical student from University College Dublin (RUMC). A night owl by nature, she enjoys indulging in a good book or show amidst the tranquillity of the night.
Consent has been obtained from the interviewee for the purpose of this publication. The author has rewritten the article with permission from the interviewee.
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