“Do I have to wear skirts and makeup just to be given the same treatment?”
Humans of Medicine #36
It all began in the orthopaedic posting where most of the bosses were men. The specialists in the subspecialty team had the liberty to pick and choose house officers as they like. Naturally, with such a biased and patriarchal system in place, male house officers were much preferred. The only chance of a female attaching to a subspecialty team was if she was deemed attractive enough. What was left of the lot -- the so-called ‘unattractive’ females were left on the general team. My ‘unattractive’ self was then denied the chance to be attached to a subspecialty team such as knee and hip replacement or sports medicine.
One can argue that I may have blamed the system when it could be due to my incompetence as a houseman. But I’ve tried countless times to appeal for a subspecialty, only to be denied time after time. What was more disheartening was to witness the favoured going through the same subspecialty twice. Do I have to wear skirts and makeup just to be given the same treatment? I considered talking to the houseman leaders about my predicament, but they were notorious for holding grudges. Besides, even if I did speak up, nothing would be done.
Another account I could recall was my posting in the surgical rotation during which I had lower limb cellulitis -- every step I took had me in agony. The first week of every rotation was always the busiest as we learned the logistics and workings of the department. I struggled to keep up with the never ending tasks such as chest tube insertions and central venous line insertions. Yet, my superiors saw me as a burden and offered no sympathy. I finally asked to take leave, only to have my superiors threaten me with an extended posting, which could ultimately lead to a reduced chance of getting absorbed into the permanent system. I had no choice but to grit my teeth and drag my painful limb along with me for two weeks. As I proceeded to my second posting in the medical department, a female colleague also had cellulitis, yet she was showered with attention and was even given unrecorded leave! I really wish I received the same treatment as she did, and I sometimes ponder the double standards.
As I moved on to the Obstetrics and Gynaecology department, my nightmare only became worse. The registrar was notoriously malignant. “Incompetent idiots, can’t even use your brain?” she would remark at every slightest mistake we make. A pregnant patient came in for delivery, but she forgot her pink books and antenatal cards that contained vital information for a smooth delivery despite countless reminders from me. Thankfully, the patient took pictures of the card on her phone. The registrar saw this as an opportunity to lash out at me. “Go to her house and get me her book now!” she screamed. Never mind screaming at me in front of patients, but her request was absolutely ridiculous. How was I to go all the way to her house to fetch her cards? I tried to reason with her but she wouldn’t budge. Many of us housemen crumbled under immense pressure yet every time a complaint was lodged, she would cite stress and psychiatric illness to justify her verbal abuse. Many spiralled into depression and quit housemanship just because of her.
Doctors in Malaysia are denied adequate support -- emotionally and financially. We are always told to suck it up and our problems are played down, yet we are blamed when we get burned out. Has anyone ever considered how we are systematically abused with no clear future plans, all thanks to incompetent leaders? And with the lingering fear of being sacked just because we are contract doctors, we can’t voice out our struggles. Offending your director of the hospital would affect your chances for a specialty, no matter how bright you are or how much potential you wield. I watch as my peers work overseas with a brighter future, and I really did wish I made the decision to leave the country. It’s not like I’m appreciated here anyway. Maybe all that is left for me is to leave medicine.
About the author
Interviewed and written by Ong Jen Sze. Jen Sze is a 3rd year medical student from Monash University Malaysia. She’s a proud Penangite with a penchant for expressing her innermost thoughts and feelings through poetry. Consent has been obtained from the interviewee for the purpose of this publication. The author has rewritten the article with permission from the interviewee.
Humans of Medicine is a new initiative under MMI. We tell inspiring stories behind portrait shots of our everyday unsung heroes. Curated by Malaysian medical students from home and abroad.
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